My life has been a very weird, crazy experience, filled with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, happiness and depression, and lots and lots of ADD! I decided it would be a good idea to share my story through this blog for a couple of reasons. 1: To have a record of it here to always be able to look back on, and add to. 2: To be able to share with my new church family just who I am, and where I am coming from. I love sharing what all God has done in my life with people so if you have any questions about anything please feel free to shoot me a message!
I was born into a Christian home. My mom was a stay-at-home Mom (somehow she survived raising and homeschooling me) and my dad was a volunteer worship leader on and off throughout my childhood. I was told I accepted Christ at a very young age (I say I was told because I don't truly remember). I do remember continually getting saved in the back of the van by myself on the way to summer camp every year, because I wanted to be sure that I could tell my counselor that I was a Christian. I did all the good homeschooled Christian kid things: volunteered places, went to Awanas, and helped with sound and slides at church. I was at church every time the doors were open... mostly because we were the ones opening the doors... Everything in my life was great... until I turned 19...
My Freshman year of college was when my faith began to slip apart. I was attending George Fox University pursuing a degree in video production. I quickly learned that it is so much easier to lay in bed on a Sunday morning and watch football than it is to go to church. My first year of college I went to church all of 3 times. Twice at the beginning of the first semester, and once in the second semester because my Dad was visiting me. Without anyone prompting me to pursue a relationship with God, it just fell to the wayside, but I didn't really realize it at the time, because in my eyes I was still a much better person than the majority of the guys on the hall of my christian university.
Starting in spring of 2012 is when everything really began to fall apart. My Dog died, the transition to college didn't go well, and I lost the scholarship that was allowing me to be able to afford to go to school. So suddenly the next three years of my life that I had planned out were gone. Because of that I found myself at home, not really knowing what to do I went back to volunteer at camp as the video production guy. It was an odd summer serving in ministry because I didn't really know where my faith stood at the time. I was at a crossroads and I knew it. I either needed to buckle down and truly pursue God and a relationship with him, or give it up. Little did I know that life was going to slap me in the face one more time that year, a lot harder than it had ever before.
I remember the morning of July 9th very very clearly. I had eaten breakfast down in the dining hall and had left early to head up to my "office" (a broom closet in the barn). I was grabbing my camera, batteries, memory cards and everything else I would need for that day, when I decided to hop on Facebook for a bit because there was still some time before campers arrived. The first post that greeted me was a post from my best friends Dad, stating that Martin had not been seen since Friday night, and they had just found his car, with his keys and wallet still in it, down at the bridge down by the river. He was asking for volunteers to help the search and rescue team that was arriving that afternoon.
At that moment I began bargaining with God, I threw out the classic "I will read my Bible regularly" and more, just so long as Martin was found and was ok... but that didn't happen. On Thursday night, July 12th, they called off the search, and I lost it. I was mad. I decided that God either wasn't real, or at least didn't care. People at camp knew what had happened, but I didn't let anyone know what was going on in my head.
Fast forward to one week later. July 19th. I am running sound for worship that night, and the worship team is singing "How he loves us". Im sitting there listening to it, and I throw one final challenge up to God, "God, if You really are real, and You really do care, and You really do love us, I don't feel it right now, and I don't understand". I still can't accurately describe what happened next... just that a feeling of total love, acceptance, and comfort surrounded me. It truly was a supernatural experience with God that night.
God didn't fulfill His end of the bargain that I had been trying to make with Him, instead he had a much better plan that I just couldn't see at the time. That moment was the major pivot point in my life. I began to truly pursue a personal relationship with God. It made me have a passion for ministry, to try to help show people that all encompassing love of God. It re-directed my future plans. Did that moment magically fix everything in my life? No, but it was a start. It has been a continual journey since to actively pursue after God and what He has for me.
Anyways this is the end of part one of my story. How my life had to fall apart, so that God could begin working on creating something beautiful out of the mess that it was.
No comments:
Post a Comment