So there I was wondering through Costco, looking for things for men’s breakfast and for an end of summer youth group bbq when I get a FaceTime from my wife. I answer with the spotty connection that you get inside Costco to see the tear stained face of my daughter Talia. She had to have a blood draw with her dr appointment that morning and had a severe anxiety attack with it. In her fear she just wanted to call and see when I would be home because she wanted/needed a hug. So I talked to her for a while more and then wrapped up what I was shopping for and headed home.
A few hours before this I was sitting in a room with 150-200 other church staff members from multiple churches across the state of Alaska. There was a pastors panel at one point where all the lead pastors of these churches got to share some thoughts, and one of them really stuck out to me. “What could we do if we didn’t live in fear.” This question has now been rattling around inside my brain for over a week. It’s a big question, and it just keeps on getting bigger.
In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says “…For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self control” (ESV). This verse combined with the question of “what could we do if we didn’t live in fear” is a massive topic, but I’m just going to hit the two main pieces God has been working on me in.
The first way I started thinking through this question was what could we do for the kingdom of God if we didn’t live in fear, but instead lived in “power, love, and self control”. In the context of the verse Paul is writing to Timothy about using his God given gifts, to “Fan them into flame”. To practice and use them and grow them like a muscle. How many times a day are you stopped from doing something out of fear? For me honestly it’s quite a bit. Sometimes it’s not saying a kind/encouraging word to someone because I am unsure of myself or I don’t want to get stuck in a conversation I don’t want to get into. Sometimes it’s not speaking up when I feel God prompting me to share a word with people I don’t know well. I can hear it now “But BJ, you are a pastor, it’s your job to do those things!”… I know… but it doesn’t make them any less intimidating, if anything it makes them more intimidating!
Later in the week I started thinking in a slightly different way. The thought process was still about the fear of what others think of me, specifically when I am weak. Making a phone call to someone, or sending a text, when you are at a weak moment in life is one of the hardest things to do. Be it wanting to cave to temptation or addiction, or being low in depression and anxiety and overall mental health. Admitting weakness is one of the most difficult, bravest things you can do. How much more would you reach out for support and help if you didn’t have a fear that other people would look down on you, or that you didn’t fear you were letting other people down. I know my answer would be that I would be sending a lot more texts for support (not phone calls… I hate phone calls.)
What would life look like if I lived without fear? My life would look pretty much the same, but would feel much different. I would speak up more about what I felt God was telling me. I would open myself up for more support from the people around me. It would be much more community driven by allowing people to know who I truly am. I would stop and pray for a lot more people. I would reach out for help more. It would look a lot more like Gods plan for unity in community.
Hopefully these rambling thoughts of a man who is continually working on and dealing with his own anxiety, and thinking through how to best help his daughter through it as well, has sparked the question of “how can I live without fear” and you are able to take one step closer to living in “power, love, and self control”
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