The Story of Me part 4... the final so far...

 October of 2022 we headed to Arizona! There were a few different reasons we chose to move to Arizona, with the foremost being that some of my siblings lived there. When we moved I didn't have a job lined up. I had had a few really good interviews before we moved where I got to the final interview which for both was just supposed to be a formality. One of them had transferred my application to another state on accident and the other wanted me to move to another location in the state, Both jobs would have been really good, with a lot of potential for promotions, but they just fell through from "random" things. I had another really good interview once we got to AZ, where at the end of the interview the fraise "when you get the job offer" was used by the manager... but then the corporate office decided not to hire me. All of these jobs would have left us very content and comfortable in AZ... but that's not what God had in mind. 

Finally after being in Arizona for 3 months and applying for anything and everything I finally got a part time job on the military base working at a middle school and teen center. Since it was just part time Bethany and ended up having to work as well at the Childhood Development Center (0-5 year olds) on base as well. Because of this both of our kids also were in childcare at the time, which neither of us were big fans of. 

On Monday, March 14th 2023, Bethany and I sat down to talk. Neither of us really liked our jobs, there were a lot of issues with Bethany's work, and I didn't realize just how much ministry was a part of who I was. I still loved working with the middle and high school kids, but talking with them and hearing about their struggles and only being able to say "it gets better" was incredibly disheartening to me. We talked about how Bethanys desire was to be able to be a stay at home mom and I really missed ministry. The conclusion of our talk was that in a few months I would start poking around looking for a youth pastor job somewhere and hopefully we would be able to move when our lease was up on the house, which would be in November. We prayed about it for a while that night, and then went to bed.

Two days later, March 16th, i'm sitting in the parking lot at work with the music cranked when I got a Facebook messenger notification. The message was from Brandon, someone I had been friends with since Alaska Bible College. To sum it up, Brandon was looking for a full time youth ministry director for the church he was lead pastor at, and God had brought my name to his mind. I sat there stunned for quite a while because, if this went through, it settled a lot of the apprehensions I had about going back into ministry which I might write about another time. 

Over the next couple months there were interviews and applications filled about and all that, and then over fathers day weekend I got to fly up and meet the rest of the staff as well as go to church. It was a great weekend, and it truly felt like coming home. I had diner with the Elders and the rest of the staff, I got to catch up with some old friends from the area (and one past summer staff member from the springs). On Sunday I got to go to church. No one announced I was there, or even knew who I was, I got to experience Change Point MatSu as a first time visitor, and it was easily the most welcome I had felt at a church in quite a while. That trip truly cemented that fact that this was the next step that God had for Bethany and I. 

Long story short, we made it! We have now been here for about three months and it has been amazing. As normal there have been hiccups and unplanned things along the way, but it is easy to tell that this is truly where God wants us right now. too many things have lined up for it to just be "coincidence". If I wrote out all the answered prayers and ways God has shown up in our move to Alaska it would take an entire book.

I am finishing writing this around thanksgiving, it's taken a while to write them all because life gets crazy sometimes and I don't have the time or energy to write. But honestly it's pretty cool to look back over these last few posts about my life, and seeing how God has been continually guiding me through the weird life I have lived. I know it sounds cheesy, but in this time I am thankful for God and His guidance. That he has placed me in an awesome ministry working with an amazing team of people that are FOR the community we are in. I am thankful for everyone who helped get us here. I am thankful that we were able to sell a majority of our stuff in Arizona because it would have been too much money to get it to Alaska. Im thankful for a very generous church family that donated SO MUCH STUFF to us when we did get here. I am thankful I get to work with youth AND TELL THEM ABOUT JESUS!!! 

This is then end of the story for now. I already know that there will be more to add in the future as God continues to work on me, in me, and graciously though me.

The Story of Me Part 3

 Ok so we left the last on a bit of a cliff hanger.... 

In the fall of 2016, Bethany and I got married and we decided that it would be best for me to go back to school. I still wanted to finish my degree and we wanted to be done with it before we started a family, and the best way to do that was to head back to Alaska Bible College. At that time we told the board at Good News Camp that we were planning on leaving at the end of the summer of 2017. They all agreed that that was a good plan, as it would help with the transition to new staff that hopefully would be coming in to replace Jeff and I (as Jeff was leaving as well). 

All was well and good until early 2017 when my paychecks just... stopped. Long story short camp had run out of money and so the financial support that I had raised for my own pay was going to keep heating buildings and electricity going. Camp had begun bringing in more money under Jeff and I, but it had been too little too late. 

Spring of 2017, not having the incoming money that we were expecting in order to move to Alaska in the fall and having decided that we could not run camp at Good News for the summer without being able to guarantee paychecks for summer staff, we found ourselves up a creek without a paddle. So that May I turned in my resignation letter to the camp and we ended up "walking down the road with our hobo packs asking for a job" (at least that is what Dan, the Director of The Springs liked to say). We ended up heading to The Springs, another camp that we had built a good relationship with over the past 3 years that was just 3.7 miles up the road. Our original plan was just going to be for the summer, then heading off to school, but God had better plans in mind. In our conversations with Dan and Martha, the director and his wife, we found out that they were re-doing the internship program at The Springs for the next year. They were working with different colleges to allow you to do practical learning courses at the camp for college credit. This sounded like a waaaaay better plan for my ADD brain than going back to a traditional college. They also had an office manager position that had been budgeted, but had yet to be filled. So lo and behold Bethany and I stayed at The Springs, I started as an intern and transitioned into the program director position after a year and Bethany as the office manager. I graduated through the internship after a few years with a bachelors in Bible and Theology.

Everything was going pretty good honestly until 2020 hit. On February 16th Talia Emery decided that she wanted to appear right in the middle of camp's Marriage Retreat. Everything went without a hitch and Bethany and I found ourselves the parents of an adorable little girl right before the covid shutdown started. However, something just didn't seem right, but our concerns were dismissed as us just being new parents and not important in the scheme of things...until they tracked her losing weight at around 4 months. The next 2 year was spent going to lots of specialists ranging from GIs to dietitians to allergists. After having to avoid a ton of food (Bethany then eventually Talia) we were finally able to pin down that she is severly  allergic to dairy and eggs (possible anaphylaxis). This whole process was (and continues to be) extremely stressful for both Bethany and I, but it truly helped us learn to rely on God with our kids. So much that they go through and experience is truly out of our control, but not out of God's control. It also helped me realize just how much God truly does love us. As soon as Talia was born the love both Bethany and I felt for her was immense. She hadn't done anything to earn or deserve that love, but it was there. Through all of her health struggles and injuries there have been countless times that I wish I could have taken the pain and struggle for her. It is incredible to think that our Heavenly Father loves us so much more than that... 

A couple years later Barrett was born! The ridiculous love for that new little infant was there, but there was also something else. Both Bethany and I didn't realize just how much our experiences with Talia had left us with some PTSD that led to a lot of stress and anxiety around Barrett's health as an infant. We would over analyze everything trying to make sure none of the things that happened with Talia happened to him.  

The Springs was an amazing place, we loved (and still love) the staff there, and they are like a second family to us. But after 6 summers it was time for us to leave. In 2022 we were still trying to figure out Talias diet as, on top of her allergies, she also has multiple food intolerances as well that were causing other health issues as well as her quirky personality that just requires a little extra. At the time I was also struggling with some extreme anxiety and depression. The last few years had really piled up on me and I had never really found a healthy outlet for it. Over the course of our vacation in the spring of 2022 Bethany and I both decided that, as hard as it would be, we needed to step away from The Springs for the sake of my mental health, and also to help us take the time we needed to figure out Talia's health. With everything that was going on we didn't feel like we could give ourselves and our kids what they needed while still living the crazy life that is camp. So in October of 2022 we packed all of our belongings into the back of a truck and a trailer and moved to Arizona!

The Story Of Me Part 2

 Ok so, you know those days where you really don't know what to do? Well at this moment that was my whole life. I had this fiery, renewed passion for God, but I didn't really know what to do with it. So at the end of the summer I went back home. I had a seasonal job for a few months, and around the end of that time my Dad announced that he had gotten a job offer to go work for the Army Department of Works on a tiny tropical island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Due to me not having any plans at the time, and not being finically independent, I tagged along.

However, it was a very, very small island controlled by the US military and I was over 18 and didn't have a job... so I got kicked out of my parents house by the military. Not really knowing where to go or what to do, I returned to Camp Li-Wa for the summer as the guy SALT (Teen guy volunteers) counselor. It was an amazing summer. I was able to teach and learn a lot; it gave me some direction and instilled a love for youth and camp ministry (I also began dating Bethany at the end of that summer, but I digress). At the end of that summer I headed down to Palmer, AK where Alaska Bible College had just moved their campus, to begin pursuing a degree in youth ministry.

While attending ABC I remembered just how much I didn't like school, but nevertheless I was determined to graduate. However, in February I got a random message from Jeff Winell, whom I had worked under at Camp Li-Wa. He had just started as the director at a small Bible camp in Michigan and was wondering if I would be interested in the program director position. I talked with some pastors and some of my professors at ABC and all of them encouraged me to go, so I packed up the few things I owned and moved to Michigan.

The position was part paid and part support, so the camp board gave me until the end of the summer to raise the required support. We were getting close to the end of summer and I had exhausted all of my resources. I had sent out support letters, messaged people, talked to people, and done everything a good little support raiser is supposed to do... but I was still $100 dollars a month short. 

I was sitting in the office one morning, doing my devotions and watching this robin flying back and forth, pulling worms out of the ground and taking them up to its nest. It just so happened that I was reading through Matthew at the time, specifically Matthew 6:25-29

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." 

I realized that everything I had been trying to do had been under my own power and I wasn't giving it up to God. So I went out and spent some time in prayer, asking God for His help, because if this truly was where he wanted me, I needed Him to provide. As I was headed back into the main area of camp, there was an older couple that was coming to pick up some lawn mowers for repair. They stopped me and asked how everything was going and specifically how my support raising was going. I was honest with them, told them I was short of what I needed, but I knew that if God wanted me here long term then He was going to provide. I didn't think much about the interaction until a week later when the couple returned the lawnmowers. While they were there they handed me an envelope with the exact amount I needed to finish raising to stay on full time.

The three years I spent at Good News Camp were filled with stories like that, we would run out of our resources, and then God would show up. It happened again and again and again... until it didn't... but that is for the next part.

The Story Of Me... Part 1

My life has been a very weird, crazy experience, filled with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, happiness and depression, and lots and lots of ADD! I decided it would be a good idea to share my story through this blog for a couple of reasons. 1: To have a record of it here to always be able to look back on, and add to. 2: To be able to share with my new church family just who I am, and where I am coming from. I love sharing what all God has done in my life with people so if you have any questions about anything please feel free to shoot me a message!

I was born into a Christian home. My mom was a stay-at-home Mom (somehow she survived raising and homeschooling me) and my dad was a volunteer worship leader on and off throughout my childhood. I was told I accepted Christ at a very young age (I say I was told because I don't truly remember). I do remember continually getting saved in the back of the van by myself on the way to summer camp every year, because I wanted to be sure that I could tell my counselor that I was a Christian. I did all the good homeschooled Christian kid things: volunteered places, went to Awanas, and helped with sound and slides at church. I was at church every time the doors were open... mostly because we were the ones opening the doors... Everything in my life was great... until I turned 19...

My Freshman year of college was when my faith began to slip apart. I was attending George Fox University pursuing a degree in video production. I quickly learned that it is so much easier to lay in bed on a Sunday morning and watch football than it is to go to church. My first year of college I went to church all of 3 times. Twice at the beginning of the first semester, and once in the second semester because my Dad was visiting me. Without anyone prompting me to pursue a relationship with God, it just fell to the wayside, but I didn't really realize it at the time, because in my eyes I was still a much better person than the majority of the guys on the hall of my christian university. 

Starting in spring of 2012 is when everything really began to fall apart. My Dog died, the transition to college didn't go well, and I lost the scholarship that was allowing me to be able to afford to go to school. So suddenly the next three years of my life that I had planned out were gone. Because of that I found myself at home, not really knowing what to do I went back to volunteer at camp as the video production guy. It was an odd summer serving in ministry because I didn't really know where my faith stood at the time. I was at a crossroads and I knew it. I either needed to buckle down and truly pursue God and a relationship with him, or give it up. Little did I know that life was going to slap me in the face one more time that year, a lot harder than it had ever before. 

I remember the morning of July 9th very very clearly. I had eaten breakfast down in the dining hall and had left early to head up to my "office" (a broom closet in the barn). I was grabbing my camera, batteries, memory cards and everything else I would need for that day, when I decided to hop on Facebook for a bit because there was still some time before campers arrived. The first post that greeted me was a post from my best friends Dad, stating that Martin had not been seen since Friday night, and they had just found his car, with his keys and wallet still in it, down at the bridge down by the river. He was asking for volunteers to help the search and rescue team that was arriving that afternoon. 

At that moment I began bargaining with God, I threw out the classic "I will read my Bible regularly" and more, just so long as Martin was found and was ok... but that didn't happen. On Thursday night, July 12th, they called off the search, and I lost it. I was mad. I decided that God either wasn't real, or at least didn't care. People at camp knew what had happened, but I didn't let anyone know what was going on in my head. 

Fast forward to one week later. July 19th. I am running sound for worship that night, and the worship team is singing "How he loves us". Im sitting there listening to it, and I throw one final challenge up to God, "God, if You really are real, and You really do care, and You really do love us, I don't feel it right now, and I don't understand". I still can't accurately describe what happened next... just that a feeling of total love, acceptance, and comfort surrounded me. It truly was a supernatural experience with God that night. 

God didn't fulfill His end of the bargain that I had been trying to make with Him, instead he had a much better plan that I just couldn't see at the time. That moment was the major pivot point in my life. I began to truly pursue a personal relationship with God. It made me have a passion for ministry, to try to help show people that all encompassing love of God. It re-directed my future plans. Did that moment magically fix everything in my life? No, but it was a start. It has been a continual journey since to actively pursue after God and what He has for me. 

Anyways this is the end of part one of my story. How my life had to fall apart, so that God could begin working on creating something beautiful out of the mess that it was.  

Things never change, and yet they change a lot.

 We did it! We made it to Alaska! It was a long drive that we made a little longer, but we did it! (By we, I mean kath and I, Bethany and the kids get here in a couple of days) Nothing too eventful happened on the drive, aside from a ton of animals for one day in Canada (3 caribou, 2 moose, 5 bears, 2 porcupine, 2 bison herds, and… more stuff but I can’t remember). 

Because I was traveling with my sister, instead of driving directly to the MatSu valley we decided to swing up and spend a day in the Delta/Fairbanks/North Pole area, and man was it a huge nostalgia trip. So much has changed, and yet everything is still the exact same. We visited friends and mentors that we haven’t seen in 7 or more years, as well as stopped at Camp Li-Wa, where we both grew up going to camp, and were also summer staff at (and where I met Bethany). 

When driving out of Fairbanks on our way to Palmer we both sat in silence for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts, reminiscing about the past (yes everyone, Kath was actually quiet for a bit! I know its hard to imagine, but its true!). When we did start talking we talked about growing up. Who we were when we left Delta Junction, the ideals we held, and who we thought we would be and what we thought we would be doing at the age we are now. Let me tell you many of those things have changed drastically. 

I will not get into Kath’s story, as that is hers if she wants to share at some point, but I will share mine. When I left Delta I was a shell, the year before had gutted me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I was trying to pick up the pieces of who I was and put myself back together again. The year before I had lost my faith, and then re-found it, and was trying to figure out what this new faith looked like. I was fighting depression and losing. There was a lot of loss, but also a lot of hope ahead. 

Driving through these areas brought a lot of these memories back. The nostalgia and emotions were very very real, but so was the joy. Though everything God had brought me to He has continued to shape and mold me into who He wants me to be. Since then my goals and dreams in life have completely changed. Much like the areas we were visiting, nothing had changed, but at the same time so much has changed. Things have collapsed and been destroyed and re-built, or are in the process of being re-built into something so much more beautiful. 

When I left Alaska as my home (aka when I left Delta, not when i left after Alaska Bible College), I didn’t have a lot of hope, or joy. I now find myself, 10 years later, returning to Alaska filled with hope, joy, and excitement for the things to come. I am excited to see how God continues to work in my life, as I continue to learn and grow in Him. 

Anyways, I apologize if this seemed like just word vomit, because honestly it is. Normally I will go back through and edit my posts and re-arrange them but for this one I’m just throwing it out there, because that’s what I feel I need to do with one. It’s the raw thoughts from my head, vomited out onto the screen for you to read. 

I know I have said this before, but I am planning on writing here more. It’s a “muscle” I do want to stretch and work on. In the future they will go back to being edited again, but for now this is what you get!

-BJ